I told myself I wouldn't self-publish, but God had other plans. Introducing: Monastic Motherhood!

I remember scrawling in notebooks as a child, stringing together words and sentences to create stories. One time when I was a kid, I looked through some sort of book with writer's guidelines for different publishers (we didn't have internet at the time, so I used books to learn about everything). 

I kept writing, thinking, and dreaming; dreaming of publishing a book "someday." 

The years flew by, and I continued to write. I birthed children and kept writing, sometimes at a coffee shop in the early morning as a baby played on the floor by my sandal-clad feet. 

I wrote and wrote and wrote, unable to keep thoughts stuck in my sleep-deprived "mom brain." And I believe it was sometime when I was pregnant with my second child that I realized that I could take actual steps toward my "someday" dream of publishing a book. I laughed and cried my way through Jennifer Fulwiler's wonderful memoir One Beautiful Dream and began putting together an outline for a nonfiction book. I worked on it endlessly, bouncing ideas around with other people. 

Anytime I saw opportunities for Catholic writers online, I took them, eager to learn more about writing and getting "in" with a traditional publisher. I knew that self-publishing didn't have the stigma it once did, and I was enthusiastic about people I knew who self-published; however, I wanted to do the "legit author thing" and work with a publishing house...or so I thought. 

As time passed and queries were rejected, I began to see benefits to self-publishing. While yes, my queries were--I'm confident--mostly rejected because my vision was not as strong or coherent as it should have been, I also began to realize that this particular book may not fit well with any of the existing Catholic publishing houses. Should I consider self-publishing? 

Immediately, I shot that idea down because I thought: I can't make a book cover, so I NEED to be with a trad publishing company that can take care of cover design. 

Eventually, I realized that it is possible to hire cover designers, and I decided to look into the self-publishing world. 

And what a world I began to discover! Resources abound for self-published authors, and I discovered that truly beautiful and professional books can be created outside of traditional publishing houses. In fact, I began to really see the wisdom of using the term "independently publish" instead of "self-publish," because often, several people are involved in the book process: beta readers, freelance editors, cover designers, proofreaders, etc. 

An Open Book: August 2026 Reads

August was a wild month and September has already been flying by, but I want to sit down a moment to join in An Open Book to share what I read last month-there were some really delightful books I picked up. 

To the mom who is struggling to show up

I notice the cascade of activities and commitments that pack the hours: travel, volunteer opportunities, housework, side hustles, and the constant bouncing from one child to the next as you prepare food, assist in the bathroom, and fill water bottles. 

I hear the weariness in your voice as you mention that you are in a challenging parenting season, but that it's fine, I'm fine, and then you promptly sign up for more commitments because you are "fine" and "one more thing can't hurt." (plus, if I don't sign up to help with that event/class/fundraiser, what will people think of me?)

I see your anonymous social media posts where you beg other moms to convince you that really, it's fine for you to stay home on Sunday instead of going to Mass because you don't have any help or support and attending Mass with your children is too difficult and overwhelming. 

I notice you and I hear you and I see you because in so many ways, at so many times, I have been in a similar mental space.

And like you, I have often pulled myself up by my bootstraps and convinced myself that I'm fine, that so many people who have life much harder than me are forging ahead so I need to shove my weakness and frustrations down and be strong. I'm not actually struggling, I decide. Keep moving forward at all costs! 

We push onward, acting like nothing can affect us negatively--until it begins to be too much. And if our circumstances are too overwhelming to handle, we stop showing up altogether--because if we show up to Mass or a school event or casual gathering and admit that we don't "have it all together" or that we're not "fine," what would people think of us? How would they respond? 

And so, clinging to uncertainty and fear, if we ever feel like our glossy facade is starting to slip, we isolate. 

No one must know of our weakness: Not our spouse, not our kids, not our close friends, and certainly not random people at church or the grocery store. 

Although I've fallen into this trap too, as each year of motherhood slips by, I learn more and more about another approach we can take: the path of vulnerability. 

An Open Book: July 2026

I read a lot in July, perhaps because I was enjoying the air conditioning inside the house? Whatever the case, I'm linking up with An Open Book to share about my recent reads-and there were some fascinating ones! 

An Open Book: June 2026 Reads

Another month is here, so it's time to link up with An Open Book to chat about my recent reads! 

An Open Book: May 2026 Reads

June is here, so it's time to link up with An Open Book to chat about what I read last month. Before I dive in, though, I do have a prayer request: at the very end of May, moments after bouncing into a routine 16-weeks prenatal appointment, I learned that my unborn baby had died. As I continue to grieve and process, I may eventually put more here on the blog about this experience-but for now, please send up a prayer for me and my family. Thank you! And thank you so much to the many people who have already been lifting our family up in prayer for these past several days, I truly appreciate all of the prayers and support. 

Looking back on all the reading I did in May, I am grateful that I got to read a ton of fun and/or deeply insightful books, and I have many fond reading memories. I mostly read fiction, with some nonfiction sprinkled in there too. Let's dive in.  

An Open Book: April 2026 Reads

 Y'all, April was a full month (mostly in good ways) and I'll share some tidbits about it all in my upcoming newsletter. In the meantime, we need to talk about the books that accompanied me through the month! (As usual, I'm linking up with An Open Book.) My big reading goal was to finish Brothers Karamazov, and then I promptly let myself get distracted by other books (part of my justification was that Brothers K was just way too big to hold while I lay in bed, so I needed other books as "bedtime reading" haha!). But, by some miracle, I did manage to finish reading Brothers K in addition to the other books. Let's dive in! 

An Open Book: March 2026 Reads

Christ is risen! As I soak up the Eastertime relaxation after the beautiful exhaustion of Holy Week, I'm linking up with An Open Book to chat about what I read last month. I had mentioned that I'm rereading Brothers K; well, I'm still slowly making my way through that but also wound up jumping into several other books (I wasn't entirely avoiding Brothers K; sometimes, a smaller book is much easier to hold and read while a child sleeps in my lap haha!). Let's dive in!

An Open Book: February 2026 Reads

The daffodils are blooming and it is time to share about the books I read last month! I'm linking up with An Open Book, so make sure to hop over there for more book recommendations :) 

Chasing Ducks and Reading Books: A Homeschooling Update (2025-2026)

Time flies by faster every day, and although I've been meaning to place a homeschooling update here (currently, I have five children under the age of 10), other things keep sliding to the forefront of my mind. So, as I drink some Assam tea and my children play Machi Koro 2, I'm going to take a minute to type away as I review our homeschooling life. How have things changed over the past few years? What has been working, and what has not turned out as I'd hoped? What are our educational plans for the future? 

"Darking Bogs": Quacktastrophes and Christmas Miracles

“Medli fell over!” My child’s voice rang through the minivan with shock and horror. I jumped out of the minivan and ran to the back. I pulled open the trunk and peeked into the bin. Three ducklings happily waddled around while a fourth, Medli, lay stiff on the floor.

An image flashed into my mind: Just a week or two earlier, I had looked out the back door to see one duckling splayed out across the patio step. When I picked her up, she waddled away and had seemed perfectly normal since. But clearly, something was not normal.

I scooped up the duckling and she slipped out of my hands and waddled off to join the others. I returned to my seat in the minivan and we began driving off. My mind raced. Was she sick? Was she deficient in essential nutrients? Would the other ducklings succumb to whatever condition this one had? It was somewhere around mid-morning or early afternoon on Christmas Day, and we were in another state. I felt completely helpless. Maybe this incident was a weird fluke, I thought hopefully.

Hours later, the four ducklings happily ran around in the fenced backyard at my parents’ house. We put their bin in the garage, but figured that in a fenced backyard, in broad daylight, they would be perfectly safe playing outside—plus, although they were only two months old, they were quite large.

I eyed Medli skeptically, but I didn’t see any concerning behaviors. Later, as I chatted with relatives on the phone, I ran outside, into the early evening light, and pointed the phone’s camera at our ducklings. They happily quacked and dashed around my feet. Everything was back to normal.

The baby on my hip began to fuss, so I ran back inside, into the basement where everyone was gathered. About ten or fifteen minutes passed.

Hmm…I wonder if the turkey is done cooking. I better go check on that, I mused.

Still clutching the baby, I bounded up the stairs and walked into the kitchen. The smell of turkey pervaded the air, but something else caught my attention: Through the kitchen windows, I could see that it was completely dark outside. Although it was only around 6 p.m., it could have been midnight.

“I need to put the ducks up!” I cried. I dashed back downstairs and thrust the baby in my husband’s arms. I bounded back up the stairs and out the back door, expecting to see four happy ducks sitting by the garage, patiently waiting to be put inside.  

The backyard was empty.