Glancing back, moving forward: 10 years in Oklahoma

When I first moved to Oklahoma, I never imagined that I would drive down the highway, a Carmelite nun in my passenger seat, after attending Mass at a shrine dedicated to a modern martyr. I never imagined that five young children would also be in that van, three of whom were born at home. I never imagined that I would eagerly be pursuing self-publishing. 

Yet, there I was on a recent afternoon, chatting with a nun as I drove us from Mass at the Blessed Stanley Rother shrine to a local home for the dying. A book manuscript sat on my laptop at home, waiting to be sent to a freelance editor. My five young kids filled the van with their happy chatter, and I grinned in disbelief. I was living an ordinary day, and the gifts of the moment were incredible. 

Ten years ago, when my husband and I moved to Oklahoma in an unusually rainy summer, I did foresee any of these blessings. 

I hoped to find a good community, grow as a writer, and welcome children into my home. I hoped to have fun adventures with my husband and make good memories. When we drove down to the Oklahoma City metro, all of our belongings (aside from two boxes of books that didn't fit and had to be mailed) packed into a sedan, I had dreams for the future--but no idea how they would be fulfilled. I did not foresee the incredible blessings God pours into the ordinary days of my ordinary life.

 

I had no idea how this new adventure would challenge me, either. 

I could not imagine the deeply difficult experiences I would undergo physically, emotionally, physically, and spiritually. God has used countless moments and experiences to expand my love, sacrifice, and trust. He has poured down mercy and grace and love again and again. 

He has brought incredible people into my life; some of whom I don't see often anymore, some of whom I've grown close with over time, some of whom I see more frequently in some seasons than others. I've discovered delightful communities and places across the Oklahoma City metro area. My husband and I have grown in and through a beautiful marriage movement that we never even knew existed until we had lived here for a few years.  

I've lived in Oklahoma longer than I've lived in any other place, and as I look back over the past ten years, I am filled with immense gratitude. God has given my husband and I so many gifts, so many blessings. 

I think it's easy to take a milestone or significant event and try to produce a list of life lessons immediately. We want to make connections and determine the significance of events, and it can be helpful to look back over time and observe the specific ways in which God has worked.  However, speaking from experience, I think there's a danger in doing this practice too much; in spending loads of time trying to wrest deep meaning and significance from every single event, of acting like I know exactly what God is trying to do at every single moment. Some events and experiences will only make sense over time, and some will remain a mystery to me--but that's okay. I can trust that God knows everything and, in His wisdom, will work in glorious ways beyond my comprehension.  

One image I've been pondering is that of an expanding bubble. 

You know how sometimes, people talk about being in a "bubble" as they focus on living in a tight knit community of people and places close to home? Well, especially as my children love blowing bubbles outside, I've been thinking of how bubbles don't have to be small. They can expand, growing bigger and bigger. In a way, that's what has been happening to my life these past ten years. Our involvement in the wider community has expanded, widening the community of people and places which we invest in. 

The expansion of our "bubble" is, in part, due to the layout of the Oklahoma City metro, which sprawls across several miles. When my husband and I first moved here, someone told us to expect that we'd need to drive at least 25 minutes to get anywhere. I'm grateful we were given this forewarning, because I've found this statement to hold true. Although driving to and from different activities and events gets old very quickly, I'm also grateful for the way it has forced me to expand my bubble of comfort and community. I recently realized that in a typical week, our family attends Mass at four different Catholic churches, simply because those are the locations and times that work for us right now. We have met friends and created communities at all those churches, since we visit them consistently. 

God has worked in ways beyond what I could have imagined. I am filled with gratitude for what He has done, and I'm curious to see what He will do in the future. God is in control, and I am so grateful. 

If I could travel back in time and speak to myself when I first moved here, desperate for community and growth, I think I would say: be patient and practice hope. 

Community takes time to develop. Growth is a slow, and often painful, process. Through all of the challenges, God loves us deeply and will not abandon us. I should simply say "yes" to Him every day. During one of my pregnancies, my midwife told me: "Only do today." I keep going back to that advice. Glancing back at the past is beneficial, but I shouldn't relive the past or spend too much time ruminating on "what I should have done." I shouldn't live in the future, either-I don't know exactly what God has in store. I should "only do today," in my ever-expanding bubble of love and goodness that God has placed me in.