Monday, July 26, 2021

Playing peek-a-boo

With relief, I dropped my bags onto the floor and collapsed into the black padded chair. Pulling my baby out of the car seat, I lifted her onto my lap and bounced her gently, glancing at the screen that noted our flight departure time. Imagining that, perhaps, I could put the baby on the ground to play so I could read a book, I was shaken out of my thoughts when I heard a voice: 

"Peek-a-boo!"

I glanced over my shoulder to see that, several seats away in the row behind us, a young man was sliding his hand away from his face as he looked at my baby. The edges of his eyes crinkled as he repeated the action: "Peek-a-boo!" My baby's head turned, her eyes riveted. 

From the stocking cap to the baggy sweatshirt and sweatpants, everything about this man appeared drab and unimpressive initially. Gray mask, gray hat, gray clothes, plain white shoes. Yet, from beneath that dreary exterior, his dark eyes sparkled. 

Peek-a-boo! 

His eyes moving to meet mine, he asked: "Are you going to Chicago?"

"No, I'm going to Phoenix," I replied. "I thought this was the gate, but maybe I'm wrong." 

Peek-a-boo! 

"I got out of jail today; I can't wait to see my kids." His eyes crinkled again.

Peek-a-boo!

"Wow, what a great day!" I exclaimed, feeling truly happy for him and not knowing how else to respond.

He continued to talk about the struggle of being powerless, unable to help his kids while their mom did whatever she wanted. I muttered something about how hard it must have been for him to not be with his children while he was in jail for a period of time. "I was in jail for five years," he clarified.

Peek-a-boo!

He went in when his second child was about four months old; his kids are now five and seven. And over and over, as he played with my baby from several feet away, he talked about how he'll get to take his kids to the park. His voice shone with pride and love, deep love. The joy that filled his face as he played with my baby, as he talked to me about her, as he reminisced about his oldest son's babyhood, was beautiful to behold. 

Peek-a-boo!

Suddenly, he sprang up from his seat and walked down the line of chairs to sit in my row, just five or six seats down. We were now on the same level; just two young adults, chatting about life and parenting. 

Peek-a-boo!


I needed to use the restroom and fill my water bottle, so I gathered my baby and belongings and told him that we'd be back. As I walked down the corridor, I half expected him to be gone when we returned--hidden away somewhere in peace and quiet. Yet, he was still there, waiting expectantly. He resumed playing with my baby from his seat, and he continued to talk about the book he was reading, and about how he wants to read with his kids when they stay with him on weekends. "My birthday is on Tuesday," he added. "It'll be my first birthday in five years with my kids." 

"Do you have any big plans for your birthday?" I asked. 

"I want to take my kids to the park," he responded. "Let out all that energy, you know?" We both laughed, sharing that solidarity of raising energetic boys. Moments later, my flight was announced and I stood to leave. I told him that it’d been good talking with him, and I wished him the best. I asked him his name, and told him mine. 

“Have a very happy birthday,” I said. “You too,” he responded automatically, then smiled and laughed again.

I melded into the mass of people preparing to board the plane, the echo of peek-a-boo! still bouncing in my head. That man and I have faced different circumstances. He's from the East Coast, and I'm from the Midwest. His seven-year-old asks to smoke marijuana, and my five-year-old asks to drink kombucha. Since 2016, he's been living in jail, while I've been freely frolicking around Oklahoma. We are very different, he and I—and yet, during our hour long, off-and-on conversation, none of that seemed to matter. We were simply members of humanity together, sitting in an airport, and we share much in common. We're both young adults, trying to deal with the hardships and unpredictable events that spring up in life. We're both parents of young boys; kids who love video games and are impacted by the culture around them. We're both  members of this beautiful, broken human race, and we're both children of God; a God who cares for us both with a deep, sacrificial love. 

In a country torn apart by systemic racism and a growing drug culture, one where division and isolation run rampant, I'm sure this man will face some challenges going forward. I can't imagine the barriers he'll run into as he tries to rebuild his life, and I'm guessing that life won't always look pretty for him (does it look that way for any of us all the time?) But in the dark moments that may come, I pray that he'll experience a flicker of light and remember that one summer morning, when he played with a baby girl in an Oklahoma airport. 

Peek-a-boo!

8 comments:

  1. What a precious post. Part of my husband's work for our diocese includes jail and prison ministry. I also have a relative who recently got out of jail after 6 years and was able to see his son. Like Fulton Sheen said, we are all sinners/criminals in a way...some just get caught.

    I do disagree about the systemic racism of our country though. Would be an interesting discussion with you sometime! Definitely racism WITHIN our country and people, but I would strongly argue it is not systemic. Our country was not founded upon it and it is not embedded within the American way as the horrific critical race theory would have you believe.

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    1. Thank you for your thoughtful comment, Laura! It's wonderful that your husband works with jail and prison ministry, and it's great that Fulton Sheen said that-so true! (also, how exciting that your relative got to see his son again! What a gift)

      I appreciate you sharing your thoughts on the racism issue! I find it very helpful to talk it out, so I would love to hear more of your experiences on this. I agree that there is certainly racism within individuals in our country, but over the past few years that I've lived in Oklahoma, I've been wondering about some policies or practices that have, unintentionally, hurt people of different races or backgrounds over the years. Terms get so politically charged, but I wonder if it can be possible to use the term "systemic racism" while not subscribing to the problematic logic of Critical Race Theory (which I think goes WAY overboard, among other things). I guess I haven't really heard an alternate term to use, other than "institutionalized racism" which seems to be similarly charged (it looks like the USCCB has a page using the term "systemic racism," which I find interesting).

      Really since moving to Oklahoma, I've been learning about the government forcing Native people off their land (Killers of the Flower Moon is an excellent book sort of on this topic) and see the stark economic inequality that exists in the predominantly minority occupied parts of town vs. the non-minority parts of town (though to clarify, there are definitely rich people who are racial minorities and poor people who are white) and a lot of this appears to be ongoing. I wouldn't say that these types of things are embedded in the foundation of our country, but it seems to me that they've been in existence for many years and have somehow wound themselves into the framework of society, at least on the local level. A couple years ago during a teacher walkout, I really started thinking about this in regards to our education system. I'm not sure how it is in other states, but where I live, the majority of our property tax dollars go to the local schools and career centers...so the schools in the more affluent parts of the metro get a lot more money than the schools in the poorer areas (often the places where many minorities live). I believe there are programs of some type to help the poorer schools receive aid, but from what I've read and been told by people in the schools, there is still a a sizeable difference between schools in the predominantly minority communities vs. the non-minority communities. This policy that was probably created with good intentions and reasons, but in practice, it's resulted in a noticeable educational inequality. These are some things I think of when I wonder about policies that, in some way, have contributed to the division and racism that persist in our country. I'm hoping (and guessing) that it's not as rampant as Critical Race Theory would have us believe, but I do still think it exists in some areas. I honestly had not thought about this much since moving to OK (especially since moving to our house, which is not in a racially homogenous neighborhood or part of town), so it's been really interesting, and sobering, to learn just how limited my perspective can be.

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    2. I keep wanting to find more time to reply to your comment, but mostly just wanted to thank you for sharing more! Unfortunately, I feel like once a term is taken by an organization or movement with negative/immoral/anti-Christian values (such as BLM or CRT) it's really hard to use that term without it being automatically connected with that movement or organization. I know what you mean, I think there are definitely past and present things within "the system" of our government and country that are problematic and perhaps even directly racist....but somehow I would have to describe it as something other than systemic racism because of the charge of that term like you mentioned.

      You have some great thoughts and experience because of your living in the South! I do not have that here, so I have no doubt some of our experiences are different.

      Good thoughts about the educational system. I think public education in general is such a tough problem to solve because of how much the federal government is involved in it instead of the state/local having more power. I also think so much of the issues we are facing start in the family and are deeply tied to our country's rejection of traditional marriage as well as its acceptance of abortion (particularly the promotion of abortion in low income or black areas).

      Last note-- Hillsdale College has amazing free online courses I've been loving (Children's Literature was my fave!). I recently finished their course on Civil Rights and it was fascinating! You might like some of it too!

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    3. Laura, I enjoy discussing these with you! Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I really appreciate you bringing this up; I think sometimes, I do get lazy with words and forget to think about the way in which certain words and phrases are charged with meaning or associations that I may not at first think of. This is a really good reminder for me to be mindful about what words/terms I'm using and if-and how-they are already "taken" by movements that I don't endorse.

      You know, a lot of times, I don't think of Oklahoma as the South, but one time, I was chatting with a random man in the produce section at the store (he was giving me an impromptu tutorial on cooking "soul food" as I picked out veggies at 6 a.m. haha) and he told me that Oklahoma can be considered part of the South. I find that even though my family lives a few hours north of us in another state, and Oklahoma feels a lot like where they live, there is much more of a Southern feel than in Kansas and Missouri.

      You mention the promotion of abortion in low income areas, and I actually had an incident, right after we moved here, where I was driving through the section of the metro that is predominantly occupied by people who are black and I saw a billboard for PP that said "You know what you can't afford as a teenager? A baby." and it made me SO MAD. It seemed like such a blatant move by PP to target racial minorities and others who live in that very low income part of town, it was awful. (thankfully, I don't think that particular billboard is up anymore) I agree, so many of the issues are starting at the family level--all the attacks on marriage and new life are certainly rippling out in a bad way. It really encourages me to focus on my marriage and our family, and seeing what I can do to help create a pro-family, pro-marriage culture in small ways where I live.

      And thanks for the tip about Hillsdale College! I'll look into those-they sound amazing!!!

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  2. I love this post, AnneMarie! In such a busy and noisy world,interactions like these are so beautiful but often rare. It reminds me to be more aware of those around me,like you wrote,to remember that they too are children of God.

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    1. I'm glad you like this, Elisabeth! Yes-these kinds of conversations are indeed very rare. I think that's one of the gifts of travelling with a baby. People are often (thought not always haha!) uplifted and want to interact in some way when they encounter little ones :)

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  3. What a lovely conversation. I'm sure his joy was increased by being able to share with you about his children!

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    1. It really was a wonderful way to start my day, and he did seem very excited to have a willing listener as he talked about his kids!

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