Confessions of a Former Blog-Stalker: The Journey of a Blog

I tend to have a love-hate relationship with technology, with an emphasis on the "hate" (or, to be nice, we'll say "intense dislike"). 

I also struggle at sticking with a project for a lengthy period of time. I have so many notebooks with partially begun stories and journals from over the years; fragments that float with the memories of my childhood. 

So, I am occasionally shocked that I have been blogging for five years. 

Five whopping, crazy, wild, humbling, enlightening years. Looking back on my years of blogging, I've discovered so much about myself. I've seen growth and change from a hyper, crazy teenage girl, to a blog stalker, to a woman who now sees herself as part of the Catholic blogging community. I've learned some humbling lessons, rejoiced freaked out with some surprises, and I've had loads of fun in the process. For those of you who are new to the world of blogging, perhaps you'll find something in my journey that you can relate to. For those of you who are experienced bloggers, perhaps you'll have some wisdom to share. And for those of you who randomly stumbled across this strange blog, perhaps you'll be amused or shake your head and go, "Wow, this chick is weird." It's okay-I think I'm weird, too :)

Fasting for Love (Over at Chastity Project)

Hello, friends! I hope that you are all having a great day. 
We are almost through the workweek, isn't that exciting???? I-like many of you, I'm sure-have a bunch of loose ends to tie up today and tomorrow in preparation for the weekend (I'm going to do a sewing marathon, and I'm very excited!). So, I can't launch into any tangents about my random adventures today. Instead, you can find me discussing the importance of sacrifice in relationships over at
Chastity Project: Fasting for Love. 

I'm off to pre-wash fabric and tackle my "To Do" list now :) I hope that your day is full of blessings and joys!

High School Lessons & a Cool Modern Saint

Happy Wednesday, everyone!
I'm in the midst of writing an article and trying to be somewhat productive in other areas (hello, Northanger Abbey and childbirth books!), so I don't have much time to hop on the blog and share my rambles of thoughts with y'all today. But, in case you want to waste time reading blog posts (or want to hear my rambles anyway), here are a couple of recent places where I can be found: 

"When Chastity Gets Frustrating," at Chastity Project.

"Praying with the Bones of St. Charbel," at Catholic 365.

I hope that you all have a lovely, splendid, and fabulous day! 

Why This Catholic Loves Firefly

There's this show called Firefly. It's  basically a space-western about a group of individuals who fly around in a ship named Serenity and try to evade the government's grasp, steal to make a living, and not die. The fact that many Catholics-myself included-love Firefly can seem weird at first. I mean, if you take a quick glance at the show, there are a lot of rather questionable elements that jump out. Across the 11 aired episodes (and 3 unaired episodes), there are sprinklings of sex scenes, nudity, and bad language (although most of it comes in a form of Chinese); furthermore, the"heroes" of the story are a bunch of crooks. So why exactly are so many Catholics enamored with this show? I honestly can't tell you the answer to this, because I can't speak for every Catholic Firefly fan out there. But, what I can tell you is why I love Firefly. I'd like to give you a better answer than "Firefly is wonderful because...Joss Whedon!" (though Joss Whedon is awesome) so in no particular order, here are some elements that I find particularly meaningful in Firefly:

The Liturgical Year, Giveaways, and when the Holy Spirit and Lady Gaga work together (my late 7QT)

Hey there! Happy All Souls Day! I hope that you all are having a very blessed day and had an awesome weekend to celebrate the saints and eat sweets! Today I'm linking up with Kelly for some 7 Quick Takes. Yes, I know that I'm a little late, but as I thought about blogging today, I realized that the 7QT would be a great way to check in with everyone and tell you a lil' bit about my life as of late! So, without further ado, let's dive in! 

Could I have Maroon 5 and JPII over for dinner?

You know how sometimes different people create their "dream dinner party lists" of individuals they would love to have over, no matter when those people lived? Recently, I was thinking about this trend, and I decided that it would be marvelous to have St. John Paul II and the members of Maroon 5 over for a dinner party with my husband and I. We could all bond and become friends over bierocks and cheesecake, and in the course of our  conversations, Maroon 5 may pick up some cool wisdom from JPII. Wouldn't that be great? 

How "Austenland" Shows Us That Pornography Is Not Fulfilling

I love Jane Austen, and I enjoy Austen-themed fiction. When I heard about Austenland, I immediately became interested. Darcy-obsessed woman goes to an Austen theme park? Sign me up! I heard the movie was terrible, but the plot intrigued me, so recently, I picked up Austenland, by Shannon Hale. I had mixed feelings while reading this book, and may not pick it up again, but the story did hit home some very good lessons. This is a piece of chick lit, and the author probably didn’t intend for any deep lessons to be gleaned from it. Even so, Austenland demonstrated to me that pornography goes against a natural desire of human beings. 

Batman, Hugh Hefner, and the Call of St. Matthew

Happy Monday, everyone!! I hope that you all had an amazingly blessed weekend. I had a great weekend, filled with games, training at a local crisis pregnancy center, crocheting, and Batman. You see, recently I used some graduation gift money to purchase season 1(which I've heard is the best of the 3 seasons, so it's the only one I really wanted) of the 1960s Batman: The Television Series, so I have been gradually watching the episodes.  Since today is a "Mercy Monday," the Feast of St. Matthew, and Pope Francis is about to visit the U.S.A. with his message of mercy, I think it's a great time to discuss Batman, Hugh Hefner, and the Call of St. Matthew! So let our discussion begin!

Ladies, do you want to learn about yourselves? Take a look at NFP!

Hello, friends! I'm very excited, because this week is NFP Awareness Week!  For those of you who are new to the blog, let me tell you up front: I am a big-time supporter of NFP, and I think that all women-regardless of their marital state-should highly consider learning NFP. 

Now, I know that some of you might be thinking...
But isn't NFP only for married couples? 


Or, perhaps you're thinking...
Well, if a couple doesn't need to postpone pregnancy, they shouldn't practice NFP, right? 

A Few of My Favorite Things from "Laudato Si"

Hello, friends!

I JUST finished reading "Laudato Si," Pope Francis' latest encyclical (a much more fruitful occupation than reading through or participating in Facebook arguments about Friday's decision. I'm not a fan of what happened--for many reasons--but Facebook arguments rarely, if ever, do anything good for anybody. But I digress). Some of his discussion points went a little over my head, but I tried to read and understand what I could. He said a lot of fabulous things which The Media and General Public have failed to mention (like his anti-abortion comments, or Sunday rest). 

Well, in case you haven't had a chance to read the document yet, I offer you some of my favorite quotations from this encyclical (but I have lots more, I really had to cut the list down). I even combined some of the quotes with my photographs, just because the Pope's words made me super excited (feel free to use these images, if you so desire)!
 Without further ado, let's read the words of Pope Francis!

Catching Up On Life

Happy Friday!!!!!!!

Life has been interesting over here. This entire week, I've been battling schoolwork, sickness/allergies/cold,  so I have spent most of my time sleeping, attending class, and doing homework. And now I'm trying to catch up on life. But, in the midst craziness, there have been some incredibly awesome blessings!

Marriage Is Not a Checklist

A while back (I think it was last year), there was a meme all over Facebook. It showed a picture of a married couple accompanied by a statistic that stated a lower divorce rate for couples who are together for 2-4 years before marriage. I remember looking at this meme and being shocked. Not only did this image seem to portray the idea that it’s better to be in a long relationship prior to marriage, but it also gave forth the vibe that marriage is a checklist.

In a relationship for 2-4 years…Check! Our marriage will succeed!

But this is an erroneous image of marriage. Just because my husband and I dated for five months before our eleven-month-long engagement doesn’t mean that our marriage is doomed to failure! I’ve known couples who were together for shorter amounts of time than we were and have had beautiful marriages. Marriage isn’t one big “To Do” list where you check items off; marriage is a life-giving, sacrificial, loving, sacramental bond between a man and a woman. A couple can go down their “marriage checklist” (NFP, Pre-Cana/Engaged Encounter, prayer time together, etc.), but if they aren’t seeking to love each other totally and completely, then their marriage will not be optimal. In a similar way, a teenager can go through a “chastity checklist.” He or she can go on chastity retreats, read all of the purity books, and sign however many chastity pledges, but if he or she isn’t chaste in thoughts, words, and actions, the whole “To Do” list is meaningless. We need to stop thinking in a “To Do” list mentality. Yes, all of the external things are awesome, and I highly recommend them. But we can’t reduce love to a mere act of crossing items out in our planner.

 (cue rant on responsible parenthood & periodic continence...GO!)

In a few different classes where Natural Family Planning and periodic continence have been discussed, I have heard the same question come up: What are the grave reasons for abstaining? Now, in a way, this question makes sense. We want to follow what God teaches us through the Church, and we want to make sure that we’re doing everything right, that we’re practicing “responsible parenthood.” But this kind of question can tend to look at the “checklist mentality” once again. I get it. When I first started learning about periodic continence in marriage, I wanted to know the list of “Dos and Do Nots” for abstinence, so that I could be a “good little Catholic wife” someday. But responsible parenthood and periodic continence (refraining from sex periodically) aren’t simply about going down a checklist that the Church has created.

In Humanae Vitae, Pope St. Paul VI states that:

“In relation to biological processes, responsible parenthood means the knowledge of and reverence for their functions…[psychologically, when involving] tendencies of drives or passion, responsible parenthood means that necessary dominion which reason and will must exercise over them.” 

St. Paul VI goes on to mention that economic and social conditions must be added to the mix as a couple prudently discerns whether or not to abstain during fertile times. 

Gaudium et Spes also says that “The parents themselves and no one else should ultimately make this judgment in the sight of God.”

Does this look like a checklist that God wants us to follow? Actually, when I glance at these teachings, it seems more like an opportunity for couples to grow in intimacy, trust, and prudence. It's an opportunity for couples to discern--using all of the gifts God has given them--whether to enlarge their family size or not (though God ultimately makes the call, because even couples that don't practice periodic continence won't necessarily get pregnant). Unfortunately, I—and other married couples I know—have gone through the gauntlet of random people asking “are you pregnant yet?” or giving judging stares when you’ve been married several months with no child on the way. I think this can happen because people get into that checklist mentality—they can think that because they don’t see a reason for a couple to not be having kids, the couple should then be having kids. 

Married couples need to be generous regarding the gift of life, and they can’t just live lavish lifestyles for themselves and avoid having children. BUT, married couples need to prudently discern all things. Together. And they need to take into account all of the conditions and factors that surround their marriage. Social conditions, emotional conditions, whatever. A teacher once told me that he knew a couple who, when they got married, practiced periodic continence. Their finances were great, so to some people it may have looked ridiculous for them to be avoiding conception. But, one of the spouses was undergoing severe depression, so they deemed it more prudent to practice periodic continence. They needed periodic continence for the good of the person’s mental health. Other people wouldn't know about that, but that's fine. It's not the discernment of other people, but the couple. 

Now, this isn’t to say that a couple should just practice periodic continence because they feel like avoiding children! It’s a loaded discernment (Unfortunately, because the topic is so massive, I’m just lightly touching on it here. JPII writes tons on periodic continence and the virtue of continence, and it would take me a long time and much brainpower to hit on all of his sweet points).

“The use of ‘infertile periods’ in conjugal shared life can become a source of abuses if the couple thereby attempt to evade procreation without just reasons, lowering it below the morally just level of births in their family. This just level needs to be set by taking into account not only the good of one’s family and the state of one’s health as well as the means of the spouses themselves, but also the good of the society to which they belong, the good of the Church, and even of humanity as a whole.” (Theology of the Body audience 125:3)

Love isn’t a checklist. Chastity isn’t a checklist. Marriage isn’t a checklist. And responsible parenthood definitely isn’t a checklist. Just look at all the factors that combine in the realm of marriage and responsible parenthood! Like I said, it’s a jam-packed discernment—for the married couple and God to work together at.

(Since I know some of you are probably thinking a certain question—no, I’m not pregnant. But really, don't even worry about it, when I am pregnant, y'all will be told) :) 

I think it’s super awesome that love, chastity, marriage, and responsible parenthood aren’t all checklists. Let’s be real: To Do lists are kind of predictable, monotonous, boring. (My planner dictates much of my academic life, but it’s kind of dry and bare-bones.) God doesn’t want us to live a humdrum existence; He has crazy plans in store for all of us if we seek Him and His plan with our whole hearts! Holiness isn't just a checklist that you're supposed to go over reach day, but an incredible journey of love, sacrifice, and perseverance towards God. Let’s toss out our “To Do” list mentality, and start living the adventurous epic life of love that God has called us all to!

Why NFP is Awesome for Single Women!

Today I’m going to talk about a topic that is very near and dear to my heart: Natural Family Planning. I will be speaking about why it’s beneficial for single women to learn. I want y’all to know that I will be extremely vague in respects to the particulars of NFP, so that no one will feel embarrassed, awkward, or go “stop—TMI!”

For many Catholic engaged couples, there are a few things that must be done, depending on what diocese the couple is in: a pre-marriage inventory, an Engaged Encounter or Pre-Cana classes, and NFP classes. Many couples, when they practice responsible parenthood, talk about how they use NFP to avoid conceiving a child. However, these types of statements do not fully encompass what NFP actually is. These kinds of statements actually refer to periodic continence. Periodic continence is the virtue and act of a couple abstaining during times of the woman’s cycle to avoid the conception of a child. When doing periodic continence, many couples use NFP to figure out when the woman’s fertile times of the month are. St. John Paul II has written many epic things about periodic continence, and I’ll probably blog about it sometime. But for now, I’m talking about NFP.  More specifically, why NFP is awesome for single women. To understand this, let’s look at what NFP is. According to The Art of Natural Family Planning Student Guide, “Natural Family Planning is fertility awareness, the knowledge of a couple’s fertility; it is a means of reading the body’s signs of fertility and infertility.”

When my fiancé and I first started attending NFP classes early in our engagement, I was blown away by all of the epicness that was taking place in my body throughout the month. Discovering how God wired my body was amazing! I learned why I would feel different sensations throughout the month, and I would be able to have a good idea—in advance—of when certain parts of my fertility cycle would happen. Whether you use Creighton, Marquette, or Sympto-Thermal, to name a few, the woman/engaged couple is learning about the woman’s monthly fertility. How awesome is that???? 

It seems that NFP classes are always centered around engaged or married couples. And while it obviously is very important for these two groups to know in depth, what about the single women? I mean, is there anything about knowing your fertility that should be restricted to engagement or marriage? If you are a single woman, isn’t it good to know what your body is doing every month? When I started learning NFP, I often thought, Man, I totally could have been doing this for at least the last year of my life. Let’s be honest: When a woman gets engaged, life is crazy and exciting and her fertility signs can go whacko because of added stress or excitement. Thus, at times, charts come up inconsistent and weird. Why not start charting when life is somewhat normal and uneventful—thus giving you an opportunity to really learn about how your body works?

There are some awesome resources about NFP out there. I’m extremely partial to the Sympto-Thermal Method (because it involves monitoring three fertility signs, where most other methods I’ve seen only look at one or two) so I recommend checking out the Couple to Couple League for information about that. Also, Haley Stewart has a series about NFP on her blog, in which various women talk about the methods of NFP that they use and testify to the awesomeness of NFP in their married lives. I encourage reading, reading, and more reading! 

Finally, I highly encourage talking with friends who use NFP about it. In the year 2014, I was approached by several women—engaged and single—who all wanted to know more about NFP and my experiences with it. When I would get an NFP-related Facebook message, I would usually smile to myself and think, My poor, dear friend is going to get more than she bargained for…and proceed to type of several paragraphs about NFP in general and my experiences with the Sympto-Thermal Method. Yes, you may feel a little weird asking a friend about NFP, and that's okay. Talk with people you are comfortable with. Ask someone you trust and are close to, or find out who the local NFP teachers are (you may want to call your parish office to ask if they know) and ask them! Our NFP teachers are awesome, and even though they have eight kids and life is busy, they make themselves available to talk with us whenever we need to about anything. If any of you have questions, feel free to contact me using the message form here on the blog, via Facebook, or in person. 

Ladies, do not be afraid to learn about the epic body that God has given you! 

How Single Mothers Have Inspired Me

Since I’ve been on a month long break from classes, I’ve gotten to watch different movies with my husband (when classes are in session, movie nights come on an infrequent basis). Recently, we watched Mom’s Night Out, which was hilarious! It was a fun movie to watch, with several memorable characters. As you can probably guess from the title, the movie focused a lot on motherhood and the dignity of mothers. One of the major characters that the movie focused on was a young single mother. I was super excited about this fact, because throughout the movie, you see different sides to her character and motherhood. I feel like many times, in daily life and conversations, you don't get a very positive image of single moms. Watching this movie spurred me to reflect on the handful or so of single moms who I have known or worked with over the past several years.

As I reflected on these women, I’ve come to realize just how amazing they are. I’m not saying this to glorify fornication; I know and believe that sexual intercourse is made for marriage, and it deeply saddens me when anyone has sex outside of marriage. (Though I need to point out that we can't automatically assume that every pregnant, single woman we meet willingly got pregnant out of wedlock. Abuse and rape are sad realities for many women). I think a lot of times, though, people get all weird around single women who are pregnant or have young children. It is one thing when people are praying and talking with women outside an abortion clinic, but when single mothers wind up in our classrooms, parishes, and workplaces, many people can interact with them inappropriately. Either trying to do a “standoffish” approach or a “let me reminder you continually that fornication is a sin” approach is completely out of line and uncalled for. Single mothers are living, breathing, human beings—why don’t we act like it more often? I think it’s important that we reverence and recognize the beauty, sacrifice, and love that many single moms possess. I want to share with y’all some of the different ways in which single mothers I have known have inspired me:  

Redefining Our Image of Princesses

The years leading up to the realm of teenage life are very formative for any woman. That's the time when we're learning about our bodies, the world, and perhaps dreaming about a Knight in Shining Armor. I remember that during my pre-teenage years, there were a great many modern "princess stories." I love princess tales, romance comedies, and love stories in general. But over the past several months, I've been thinking about the ideas and images that many of these movies can insert into the minds and hearts of girls and women. Mainly, in regards to physical appearance.

Think about it: in many "princess" movies (or a love story), the main female "princess" character is either 1. Already the image of physical beauty and perfection according to society's standards (think the typical Disney Princess), or 2. Undergoes a transformation where she suddenly becomes a very appealing physically.

Before...

This really hit me several months back, when I watched the movie,
My Big Fat Greek Wedding. 

...And after!

 Thirty-year-old Toula has big glasses, plain looking hair, and drab clothes. She starts changing up her life academically and socially, changes her appearance, and voila! Boyfriend enters the picture. He didn't necessarily enter the picture because she changed her appearance, but that whole message still seems to be underlying there. 

And then I think about The Princess Diaries. These movies were great, and I really liked them when I first saw them. And I still like them! But think about Mia's transformation in the first movie. It's magical to watch her change from an ordinary, awkward schoolgirl to glamorous princess, but what kind of message is it sending? She underwent a dramatic physical change as she took on her princess status. Hello? Did it occur to anyone that she would have still been a princess even if she retained the frizzy hair and glasses? 

One of these days, I would love to see a good romance story/princess movie with a female character who exudes true beauty--beauty from within, that shines forth, even if she may not look like a fashion model. A female lead who is comfortable in her own skin, and knows that she is a princess and has beauty from her God. An overweight woman who isn't always obsessing about her weight or diets. A woman with acne who isn't frantic to cover up every zit with makeup all the time. A girl who has frizzy hair and owns it. How about a woman or girl with some kind of disability? (Hey Disney, you can totally steal any of these ideas. Could we have a Disney Princess who's a little on the plump side and recognizes her beauty? How about one with acne? Please?)
Every woman and girl is a princess, a daughter of the King of Kings. Yes, it's good to look presentable, to do our hair and makeup, and it's important to dress in clothes that reflect our God-given beauty (please don't hide your beauty--spiritual and physical--under a bushel basket of tents and potato sacks!). But it's extremely important not to get hung up in the physical everything. We don't want to be objectified by men--but then we turn around and focus on all these externals continually. 

A couple weeks ago, I was at a soup kitchen downtown, and met this awesome, beautiful woman who was eating there. She had such a huge heart, and took in all of the other individuals as her own children or grandchildren. This woman radiated the incredible love of Christ. Yes, she was a bit heavier weight-wise, and she wasn't wearing makeup, and her hair wasn't done up all cute. But do you know what? She was more gorgeous than a movie star. Her eyes sparkled with joy and love. I told her how beautiful her eyes were, and do you know what she said? "Really? No one has ever told me that before!" And she proceeded to give me an awesome hug. It became apparent to me that the message of true beauty isn't going out enough. Furthermore, as women buy into the objectifying myths of beauty that society and the media portray, sometimes men decide to join in on the objectifying action, and...problems galore.
 Let's stop objectifying the "princess" and see her true beauty shining forth.
Let's have a realistic ideal of body image.
Let's redefine our image of princesses. 

To Remedy My Lack of Posts on Chastity

Greetings!

So as I was organizing stuff on this blog earlier, I realized that my "chastity" area is sorely lacking. Eep! I don't really have time to write new stuff right now, but figured I'd better remedy this ASAP. So I'll cheat, and link y'all to some articles I wrote for The Chastity Project over the past few months. Enjoy!

Marriage: Game Over?
Consumerism of the Body
Commitment-Phobia
Why Instant Gratification Never Gratifies
If Sex is Natural, Why do we Make it Artificial?

Some Thoughts...

A Couple Thoughts....

1. Mercy Monday, one day late! 

I know that I have been struggling with keeping up my "Lenten regime" at times. Furthermore, I always have random obstacles and spiritual battles in life. And everyone goes through battles and struggles. Should we be afraid when we are going through intense battles? Should we worry about the outcome? 

From the Diary: 

"Then I saw the Blessed Virgin, unspeakably beautiful. She came down from the altar to my kneeler, held me close, and said to me, I am Mother to you all, thanks to the unfathomable mercy of God. Most pleasing to Me is that soul which faithfully carries out the will of God. She gave me to understand that I had faithfully fulfilled the will of God and had thus found favor in His eyes. Be courageous. Do not fear apparent obstacles, but fix your gaze upon the Passion of My Son, and in this way you will be victorious."

(Notebook 1, Section 449) 

Random picture from Fr. Z's blog! : ) 

Sunday, in the Extraordinary Form, was "Passion Sunday." At home, we covered our crucifix and large picture of Jesus with purple cloth, just as the statues and crucifixes at Mass are now covered. (Dr. Taylor Marshall, a blogger whom I follow, has an excellent-and short-explanation here)

During this Passiontide, let us focus our eyes on the Christ, our Passionate, Sacrificial Savior, so that we may truly die to ourselves! 

2. An incredible honor, opportunity, and blessing!

Last Friday evening, as I sat down to study for a test, I was blessed to receive an e-mail from "The Chastity Project," telling me that they had uploaded a blog post of mine to their blog! A week or so earlier, the man in charge of the blogging had told me that they would publish my post, but finally seeing it on the website and FB page was so exciting! I have been praying for all those whom the blog post has reached; I have been moved to tears of joy by some of the comments on it from people whom I don't know, as they reveal how God has worked in their lives through the post. It has been such a beautiful experience, and I am so grateful that God would allow me to be His instrument in that way! I continue to pray for all those whom will be reached through this post and other blogs/pages on The Chastity Project, and I am sure that God will continue to work wonders! 

3. Relaxation is a wonderful thing!!

The last couple weeks were crazy with papers and a test, and both the weekend and this week have been wonderful, with time to relax and play games! Every time Jacob and I play chess or board games together, I am reminded that we have an incredible gift in our leisure time. Time to relax with loved ones is a gift, which we must not take for granted!

Marshmallows, Chastity, and Wineskins

Stanford, a secular university in California, performed a study promoting chastity....and they may not even realize it. Yesterday, the Wichita Eagle (our local paper) had an article on page 2 of the main section, which was grabbing--revolutionary, in fact!

DELAYED GRATIFICATION HAS BENEFITS IN LIFE

Whoa. Dear Wichita Eagle, this is mind-blowing headline. Delayed gratification can be a good thing? Who knew?!?!?! But let's move forward a bit more, and learn more about this study before mulling over the shocking factor of this headline.

The article went on to detail the study that Stanford performed...using marshmallows and a bunch of 4-year-olds. Take a look at this video, which explains the study: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jVQ8biAVeU0

Here are a couple main points which I would like to direct you to about the study:

1. These 650 kids were 4-years-old. Meaning, they haven't been brainwashed by the media and/or advertising yet. So they are acting by way of natural law (or bribery. But honestly, what 4-year-old could be bribed when a marshmallow if within grasp?).

2. While this study is not perfect, it fairly reasonably proves its claim.

3. This study was done by a secular university. In 1968 and 1974.

Secular university+crazy times of 1960s and 1970s=most likely NO religious agenda.

With all of this in mind....Stanford makes claim. Proves its claim. Wichita Eagle writes article about it.

"Delayed gratification is related to the elusive quality of will power, but it's framed to be attainable," said Emily Bazelon in the Wichita Eagle. The article also referenced Tanya Schlam, from the University of Wisconsin School of Medicine and Public Health (a woman involved in the study): "We know that when the marshmallows are hidden by a tray or when the experimenter tells the kids to think about the marshmallows as 'fluffy white clouds,' the kids are able to delay much longer." But Bazelon continued, "Kids who picked up the marshmallow and smelled it, on the other hand, soon gobbled it up."

Since the studies were performed so long ago, follow-up was done on the children as they went through life. The kids who waited to eat the marshmallows ended up getting higher SAT scored and higher social competence, as well as handling stress better. So...waiting to eat that marshmallow CAN have good effects...and Stanford proved it. Gosh, they are SMART! It's almost like waiting for a good thing is an overall better choice...Whoa, that sounds like CHASTITY!

No, a secular university's experiment surely could not be promoting chastity, could it?

Well, even if that was not the intention, look at the proven point: delaying gratification is a good thing. So waiting on marriage for certain behaviors is a good thing.

Yup, connection made.

See, as we grow and mature, certain natural desires enter our hearts. Desires pertaining to relationship, the yearning of our hearts for an intimacy with the opposite gender. As a pre-teen/early teen girl, I definitely had my moments of "crushes" and daydreaming about relationships...okay, I must confess, I designed my wedding dress in 4th or 5th grade. So we desire relationship. And it's a great thing! But what do we do with those desires? Well, look in our culture today to see what many young people are doing: pregnant middle schoolers, single moms, and elementary school kids that are "in relationships." In fact, the actions of many young people are being encouraged in a way by a safety guard that the state of Oregon is providing, thanks to Obamacare:

Under Oregon law, girls from 15 years of age and up are given complete control over whether to be sterilized or not. The parents or guardians of a minor girl--between 15 and 18--can neither grant nor deny consent for a sterilization.

The Oregon law says: "'Informed consent' means consent given by an individual 15 years of age or older for sterilization that is: (a) Based upon a full understanding of the nature and consequences of sterilization pursuant to information requirements set forth in ORS 436.225(1); (b) Given by an individual competent to make such a decision; and (c) Wholly voluntary and free from coercion, express or implied."

Oregon defines "sterilization" as "any medical procedure, treatment or operation for the purpose of rendering an individual permanently incapable of procreating."

The Oregon Health Authority has created a special consent form called "Ages 15-20 Consent to Sterilization."

"When I first asked for the information, I was told that the decision to be sterilized is completely up to me," says this Oregon form for 15-year-old children. "I was told that I could decide not to be sterilized."

"I understand that the sterilization must be considered permanent and not reversible," says this consent form. "I have decided that I do not want to become pregnant, bear children or father children."

~From http://cnsnews.com/news/article/obamacare-mandate-sterilize-15-year-old-girls-free-without-parental-consent

So this is what we get with people acting on their desires immediately. Instant gratification is the battle cry of our world today. But this study from Stanford--as well as chastity, a virtue and gift from God--would plea an alternative method. Delayed gratification. Yes, we all experience certain desires. Especially when you become close to another person, desires intensify and, depending on the relationship, they can be very deep and beautiful. But acting on those desires may not be the most prudent thing, depending on the relationship status. A dating couple may experience desires for a more intimate union. But to form such a union outside of marriage--to engage in the act of fornication--is a lie to each other, a lie to themselves, and a lie to God.

Fornication says "I give you my body, but not my commitment for life."

Chastity says "I give you all of myself--my body, and my commitment for life--by NOT engaging in fornication, but by saving myself to be a greater gift."

By offering our desires for intimacy to God, we recognize that these are natural, beautiful desires. We need to give these desires to God, and seek to grow in love of others as our brothers and sisters first and foremost. But if we have a deeper desire, a deeper love for another, it is a beautiful thing. Say a man meets a woman, and they deeply love each other. The man has a great desire to be united to the woman through sexual intercourse. It's a natural desire. God made us that way; men are aroused by beauty, women are aroused by deep love and devotion. The man takes this desire to God, places it at the feet of Christ, and tries his best to serve the woman he loves every day. He may have that strong desire for unity, but he isn't acting on it through fornication. And he isn't trying to throw his desire out the window in an over-zealous, rather Puritan attempt to be pure.

No, he is embracing purity--loving and respecting the woman for who she is, growing in love of Christ with her, growing in their relationship, so that when God ordains, they may marry--and have those desires for true unity be fulfilled. Because the man and woman gave their desires to God, and focused on loving him and each other more, their relationship benefited. Their self-control, their self-mastery caused their love and devotion to God and each other grow.

Chastity is a beautiful virtue, by which we prepare and save ourselves to be a beautiful gift to God for our vocation (including our future spouse). Chastity means more than strict abstinence, meaning, not engaging in sex outside of marriage. A person can be abstinent--he or she does not engage in sexual intercourse--yet it does not mean that he or she is chaste; he or she can be very immodest in words, actions, letting his or her emotions fly haywire, or numerous other things. Likewise, a chaste person does not necessarily abstain from sex. Married people are called to chastity, but they are called by God to become one flesh, to create a unity with God that is open to the procreation of new life.

As I alluded to, we can't let our emotions fly haywire. That's just asking for trouble! Emotional Chastity was first mentioned to me a couple years ago by a good friend who had heard a talk on it. And over the course of this past year, I had the chance to talk to a lot of friends about emotional chastity. The basis behind emotional chastity is ordering your emotions, giving all of them to God. It is not healthy or very emotionally chaste to mentally and emotionally throw yourself on every man that you are attracted to or have a crush on. The daydreams that ensue, the picturesque scenarios that we create--they are not reality. Typically, they are based on a very brief (maybe a "hi") from a guy that we may like. It is good and important to be emotionally chaste. However, there is danger in getting carried away. Just as modesty is not wearing a tent, emotional chastity is not closing off our emotions!

Recall what I stated in a few paragraphs earlier: emotions are a beautiful thing, a gift from God. Women in particular have many emotions revolved around bonding and relationships. We thrive off of relationships! So what should a woman do if she's attracted to a guy friend? Well, give those emotions to God, and ask Him to help her love the guy--as well as all people with the sacrificial love of God. As well as asking God to 1. Help guide those emotions so that, while she experiences them and acknowledges them, they are not ruling her life, and 2. Help her to pray for the man, that he discern whatever God's will is for his life. I'm going to be perfectly honest, in the past, there was a man--one of my very best friends--who I began to be very attracted to. I loved him as a sister loves her brother, I would do anything for him. But I noticed that I was desiring a deeper, more intimate relationship with him. So I gave it to God, knowing that he would take care of everything. And a very wise priest gave me some sage advice: "Cultivate the relationships that God gives you." God gives us relationships for a reason! So cultivate them, grow in love greater love of God together!

Ultimately, I had to reach the point where in prayer, I was ready to "give up" my guy friend for the convent...and then, when I discerned that I wasn't to be in the convent, I was ready to "give up" my guy friend for another girl, if that's what God wanted. Still having emotions and attractions present, but holding them back until God and my friend opened up a deeper, more intimate relationship. And now, that friend and I are in a beautiful dating relationship, actively discerning God's will, striving to bring each other, our families, and all others closer to God! Now that we're in a relationship, our chastity draws us even closer together, because we sought to reserve ourselves for each other.

As we reserve ourselves for each other, we must keep in mind that we are both body and soul. So while emotions a lot with the soul, it is important to remember the body.

Modesty.

I have heard extreme sides to the modesty issue:

1. Some women claim that we can't baby the men, they have to learn to hold themselves in check. Ergo, wear what we think is cute without the intention of being immodest, and it's all good.

Example: a woman wears a short skirt and layered tank tops, because it is hot outside and she thinks that it is a cute outfit. She is not trying to allure men, she just wants to be cute and comfy!

2. Others jump on the opposite end: they believe that hiding the body is the only good, pure way to both respect the woman and help the men to be pure.

Example: a woman wears a "potato sack." Meaning, a long, loose, shapeless garment that has the slight resemblance to a dress, though it seems more like a tent. 97% of the woman's skin is showing, the only parts of her skin visible are her hands, the few inches in between the hem of her dress and her crew cut socks, and her face (above the tall neckline of the dress).

And there are lots of other views, too.

Some women believe that "as long as the skin is covered and the clothes aren't TOO tight, it's okay." Great, so let's all wear snug (but they aren't as tight as they COULD be) jeans and shirts, showing off every curve to every person we see. Like all those men, who already go through their days actively seeking to grow in purity and fight lust WITHOUT immodest dressing.

Others believe that "Well, modesty is just for day-to-day and church. But formal wear and swimwear are entirely different." Great. So as soon as we exit church, let's just toss off that jacket to show off our strapless formal (and did I mention that the bare, rounded of the shoulders of a woman are very much potentially sexually arousing to men? A man told me this, so I'm not making it up. And God designed men to be aroused by the curves and beauty of women. But more about that later.), or head to the pool or beach in that little 2 piece swimsuit that barely covers anything. And I guess anything that's covered is pretty easy for the human mind to imagine and picture, when so much is already uncovered.

With modesty, we shouldn't try to picture men as unruly monsters, unable to keep themselves in check. So we shouldn't go the whole "potato sack" route. But men aren't these stoic, emotionless beings, unaffected by immodest dressing (so let's not wear that tank top-short skirt ensemble).

Virtuous men stumble and fall, but they get up again, and strive for virtue. And no matterwhat women are wearing, men will be attracted to their beauty, virtue, and confidence. So why wear something that needlessly makes the men struggle more against lust and impurity, something that distracts them from who you really are? Men have told me before that it's really hard when good friends dress immodestly, because the guys want to be able to enjoy the company of good female friends. But the immodest clothing is extremely distracting, making it difficult to enjoy good conversation and hang out time.

And I realize, it is very difficult to dress modestly with the fashions in the stores. Heavens....those prom dresses are SO HARD to shop for! With styles that feature plunging necklines, no straps, and much cleavage, modesty seems to be out the window. Or how about swimwear. Two piece swimsuits (especially bikinis) surround us in the stores. And the modest one piece suits are given the appearance of "frumpy" and "unfashionable" and shoved to the back of the rack (or found in clearance, because no one wants them). And even if you chance to find modest clothes, who wants to wear them when "no one else is doing it"? I have grown a lot in my understanding of modesty and chastity, because I have fallen into the culture before. I have fallen, and continue to fall. I'm just giving y'all what I've grown to love as I have developed my faith life and grown in love of God and others. Because it's not easy.

But where does God tell us that it's going to be easy to be virtuous? Where does He say that dressing modestly and acting in a chaste manner is going to be simple? I seem to recall a lot of places in the Bible where he talks about the road to salvation being a narrow road, being a challenge, etc. So is it going to be easy to find modest clothing? Probably not. Is it possible? YES. Is it worth the effort, in order to create more of a gift of yourself for others and your spouse? YES!

So what is there to wear? I place a challenge before all of you women out there (and challenge you men to hold the women to a high standard of femininity and purity): Embrace womanhood. Dress with the dignity that you--and your body--deserve. Not to mention those around you. And your future spouse, because dressing with respect and love is helping to save you for your spouse--hand-in-hand with chastity.

Last summer, I began wearing skirts more (I had only really worn them to Mass previously), around the house, out in public, etc. I did this because one of my girlfriends wore skirts ALL THE TIME and I thought it was really cool how she rocked her own look and style with various random skirts. This past year at college, I think I wore jeans for a total of three times, and all of those occasions were part-day occasions. My wardrobe was crammed full of skirts, all different styles and occasions: black skirt (goes with anything), white skirt and tan skirt (also, goes with anything), hippie skirts (my free spirited self LOVES hippie clothes!), gypsy skirt, flowered skirts, brown skirts...and this is just a sampling. Not to mention dresses...but you get the idea. And my girlfriends and I noticed something at school: at our swing dancing nights (every Sunday evening), you were more likely to get a partner if you were wearing a swishy skirt. One of my friends came for the first time in classy dress slacks or a pencil skirt, I can't remember which. And she had fun, but she later told me that she hadn't gotten to dance with a lot of guys. I recommended that she wear a swishy skirt, and after the next couple weeks, she gleefully told me that she had been asked to dance by a lot more guys! In fact, one time when I was dancing with a guys that I had just met, he complemented me on my skirt, and told me how much he liked the swishiness of it. So let's face it: men are attracted to beauty and femininity. So pull out that skirt, or hit Goodwill. Just wear a skirt a couple days each week, and see if you're treated differently, or carry yourself differently (many times, skirt-wearing helps my friends and I to act more feminine and to carry ourselves with more confidence).

It is possible to find modest pants, as well. For jeans, try to find ones that don't hug the behind or legs, but ones that have more "give" and have a "looser" look. Or, pair those skinny jeans or tight flair jeans with a cute skirt! For shirts, nix the cleavage. Even a little cleavage is very distracting. I'm a woman and I find it distracting. I don't want to be looking at that! So think about what it's like for the men! If you have a cute low-cut shirt, pair it with a camisole or tank top (make sure that those aren't low-cut, though) underneath for a cute, fashionable look.

And on shirts, remember: the curvy, bare shoulders of a woman are very arousing for men. The body of the woman is created to attract her husband, as God creates a unity between spouses.Take a look at the Song of Songs in the Bible:

How beautiful you are, my friend,
how beautiful you are!
Your eyes are doves
behind your veil.
Your hair is like a flock of goats
streaming down Mount Gilead.

Your teeth are like a flock of ewes to be shorn,
that come up from the washing,
All of them big with twins,
none of them barren.

Like a scarlet strand, your lips,
and your mouth—lovely!
Like pomegranate halves, your cheeks
behind your veil.

Like a tower of David, your neck,

built in courses,
A thousand shields hanging upon it,
all the armor of warriors.

Your breasts are like two fawns,

twins of a gazelle
feeding among the lilies.

(Songs 4:1-5)

It's a beautiful way that God created man and woman, so that they experience that deep attraction and love together...but personally, I don't want to be arousing every man out there. So I took all of my tank tops and now use them under cap-sleeved shirts. My prom dress was strapless, so I had a woman add adorable straps that covered my shoulders, and it was GORGEOUS! (And I got tons of compliments from different guys at Prom for my dress, which was cool. It showed me that they really had an appreciation for beauty and modesty)

So hopefully I haven't lost you in all of this.

Marshmallows==delayed gratification means better benefits in life. Relate that to chastity, and the one-flesh union that we are called to. Which leads into emotional chastity, which leads to making ourselves a gift for others. Which leads to modesty. All of which pours into the great basin of desire.

We desire communion, we desire unity. But by delaying the gratification of our desires--by having mastery over ourselves through a good practice of chastity--we grow in our capacity for God's love! St. Augustine put it extremely well:

"The entire life of a good Christian is in fact an exercise of holy desire. You do not yet see what you long for, but the very act of desiring prepares you, so that when he comes you may see and be utterly satisfied.

Suppose you are going to fill some holder or container, and you know you will be given a large amount. Then you set about stretching your sack or wineskin or whatever it is. Why? Because you know the quantity you will have to put in it, and your eyes tell you there is not enough room. By stretching it, therefore, you increase the capacity of the sack, and this is how God deals with us. Simply by making us wait he increases our desire, which in turn enlarges the capacity of our soul, making it able to receive what is to be given to us. So, my brethren, let us continue to desire, for we shall be filled." (St. Augustine, Sermons on 1 John)

So go eat some marshmallows, and contemplate the great gift of chastity that God has given us. And ask him to help you stretch that wineskin of your soul, so that our desires for unity with Him and others may grow. Then, we will be able to receive a far greater gift than we could ever have dreamed of, all for the glory of God!